Pursuit of the Indian Bahu

Disclaimer: All events, persons and names mentioned herewith are purely fictitious and imaginary. Any resemblance to persons either living or dead is purely co-incidental and unintentional.

“My son is a Software Engineer from ::insert the name of an ‘elite’ institution:: and is working with ::insert big IT company name::…” ranted Savitha Auntie, our neighbor from ever since I remember.

I was at this "Ladies- Only Welcome party" for the newest addition to the neighborhood, trying my best to zone out. What i did not know, is that my zoning out attempts will be the beginning of a new melting pot...

It was another regular gathering, with the usual neighborhood talk between the ladies of the ‘mohalla’, when suddenly “Rinu’s son’s wedding” (Rinu Auntie is another neighbor, whose son Adi – a Software engineer, is getting married) became the core of the conversation.

I am not fond of these "Auntie gatherings" that happen at our society regularly and almost every time, find something to do by myself. Today was one of the rare occasions where I had no choice but to accompany my dear Maashi to this gathering as Mother dear built up a solid excuse for not going.

So, here I was, at a randomly chosen auntie's house for snacks and chit-chat. My only solace, Anju, another teenager like me and the daughter of our host Jyothi Auntie, had taken off to her grandparents' for the week.

Sheesh.!!

As luck would have it, I had to stick around the ladies and had nothing to do except answer a random question here and nod in agreement to another statement there. The aunties were trying to keep me "involved" you see. Also, the snacks were served in this very place. I decided that it wasn't that bad after all.!

I picked up a random magazine from under the table and sank into one of the sofas in the vicinity that was slightly off the vision for the aunties, but still convenient for me to grab the pakoras (mmm) occasionally. Just as soon as i had found something interesting to read, Jyothi Auntie turned to me to ask if i was "bored", to which i replied in the negative. During this brief Q&A, the other aunties had also turned to give me a glance (looked like they were trying to catch a 7 year old that was punished, do something more crazy!). At that very instant when i had finished answering Jyothi Auntie and picked up the magazine, Kay (short for Kavya Auntie - she did not like being called Auntie - she felt very young at heart!) let out a surprised and loud WOW.! All the ladies were stunned by her sudden reaction and were trying to figure out what had happened, when i caught her looking at the advert for Wedding Clothing in the magazine i was holding. By now, all the ladies were focused on the Model in the ad.

My attempt at being inconspicuous had just fallen flat and very reluctantly, i handed over the magazine to my Maashi, who was holding her hand out for the last 45 seconds.

This is how it all began...

Initially, I did't understand what was the interest of these ladies in the Wedding. For me, it was just another wedding, celebrations and good food. For the Aunties, it was a hot topic of discussion, which went on to debate and then concluded with an elaborate bragging session of their own lads and lasses.

Each one of them had a story to share - about a wedding they had been to, which was invariably lousy, mismanaged, wrongly chosen and the like, and how they would have pulled of something grandiose and elegant with the same resources.

Try as much, i could not not listen to the conversation. As absurd as it was, i found it interesting that these ladies could remember the minutest details of all the numerous weddings that they had attended. A couple of them even recalled the clothing and accessories of a random lady to the last detail (the audience disagreed, and the speaker fished out a picture from Facebook to prove her point).

When each of them had finished their "story-telling", Asha Auntie remarked - "Hey, Rinu's son is getting married, have you heard?" The very mention of an upcoming event had charged the atmosphere and the increase in excitement was palpable.

Rinu Auntie was not the kind to attend these "gossip meets" as she called them. She led her life on her own terms and gossiping was on her list of most hated activities. She was social and friendly, but rejected the idea of such kitty parties. Her life was her own, and no one knew what she didn't want them to know. No gossip - no nonsense.

It was known to all that Adi was getting married. But not many knew the details (no gossip!). Precisely the reason for the surge in excitement when Asha Auntie mentioned the wedding. Each one of them wanted to know every detail they could lay their hands on and everybody wanted to contribute the little truth (mostly flying rumors they assumed to be true) that they had "heard".

I knew almost all of it was nonsense, because Sana (Rinu Auntie's daughter and Adi's younger sister) and I practically grew up together and confided in each other (we are best buddies).
While i heard the ladies go on, it took me quite some effort not to laugh. Some of the "facts" they mentioned were downright absurd - one of which was that they were already married secretly and this is just a formal acceptance.

Duh!!

The discussion around Adi's wedding died soon enough, because no one knew as much, and the stories were not satiating the curiosity

It was now Savitha Auntie's turn to be in the limelight (i had a feeling she was jealous of Adi, although Kabir - her son - and Adi were good friends).

Savitha Auntie was now looking for a match for Kabir, who was the other eligible bachelor in the neighborhood, and since she had heard of Adi, she was all out in getting her son married as well. Her expectations of the kind of daughter-in-law she was looking for was what made my day.

She had to be at least 5'6" (her son was 6'), dove eyed, fair skinned (Kabir is handsome and fair), slim built with the right curves (her son exercised and maintained healthy weight and shape), Engineer from a reputed institution (her son was one), should know cooking (girls are supposed to know), should have a drivers license (to be able to drive around), the family must be affluent (Her family was) and obviously, the girl must be working yet homely...

In summary, the girl had to be nothing less than perfect.! Good looks, good family, good career, good everything. That was quite some expectation from her would-be-daughter-in-law. 

Sheena Auntie (our new neighbor), who was watching all of this silently so far, spoke up just after Savitha Auntie had finished her nearly breathless account of "her requirements". 

Sheena Auntie had 2 sons - both Engineers and working. Her elder son - Avi was already married and settled in UK. The younger one - Akash - had just returned from Australia after his internship.

Akash had landed a Job in one of the big "I" companies in the city and that's why they had moved in this neighborhood. He was in the same league as Adi and Kabir, and was the new eligible bachelor around.

Sheena Auntie remarked "I am also now looking for another daughter for myself. I want someone who is sweet and innocent, along with being pretty and educated. Akash is a six footer as well, so i prefer someone who is atleast 5'7"...

She continued on similar lines as that of Savitha Auntie, but notched up nominally on every requirement. I had a feeling that she wanted to be one step higher and was trying to build up to it. It was her first gathering after she had moved last month, and this was her best chance to scale it up.

While I felt that Savitha Auntie's requirements were on the lines of too much, Sheena Auntie upped the game almost 100%.

In addition to the "regular requirements" (in her own words, what Savitha Auntie had described were the usual requirements and it was easy to find a girl that fit her bill), the girl had to match up to what her son was looking for in a life partner.

Sheena Auntie remarked that Akash was talented at both Athletics and Arts (music and dance), and he wanted to pursue his "passions" for as long as he was able. To add to it, he loved to travel, which explained why the family had moved quite a few cities. (Avi and Akash were both travel junkies and every couple years since teenage, had applied to a different school/ university, necessitating travel).

Sheena Auntie was specifically looking for someone who had an interest in music/ dance and was open to the idea of travelling around. Her Bahu would also have to travel along with Akash on his work assignments (Travel being the reason Akash had chosen to work for the company). She could not be home sick or be averse to any form of travel...

Ohhh my Gawd...

My head was spinning. I could not believe that there were such specifics for a daughter-in-law to be. I could not take it anymore. I excused myself to go to the bathroom Jyothi Auntie suggested I could use the one alongside Anju's room.

This was my chance to escape and I darted out of the room before any other comments came in. These ladies were listing out requirements as if there was some sort of "maker" that would take it all in and then create a girl that would be an exact match. (If there was some service that actually existed, hell would be loose right now in this house, with each one notching up every time someone else came up with a requirement)

I reached the room on the first floor, and sank into the bean bag. It was such a relief to be away from the continuous chatter. Nevertheless, I wondered if there was any end to this requirement and how one actually decided who would be the lucky one.

Every Mother of a Son had her own "idea" of how her bahu should be. Add to it, the prospective grooms also had a certain image of the girl they would want to get married to.

To be continued...